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Title: Shimmy Down with the.....................Hotch??
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1978
Warnings: Crack!fic and drunkenness
Summary: Contains Tequila, Dancing, and a very very confused Derek Morgan.
Authors Note: Soooo, yeah. This is what happens when I talk to Colordrone late at night and she finds a clip of Thomas Gibson dancing...things just sort of went from there. I'm fond of it. It has angst potential, though I'm not sure I'll go there. I like it on it's own.


It was Derek Morgans 33rd birthday, and he glared at himself in the dirty bathroom mirror, wondering just what the fuck he was doing. He'd dragged the entire team out with him in hopes that he'd escape the black cloud that turning 33 had invoked. But he'd failed, and now he'd spent the past ten minutes standing in a filthy bathroom staring at himself, wondering just how this year would go.


Morgan wasn't sure what he was expecting to find when he got back to the table, but Hotch and Reid both missing wasn't it. He felt himself pout before turning to Penelope. “Where're Hotch and Reid?”


She raised her eyebrows. “Well, before I tell you, guess who got the worm?”


Derek groaned. “Please tell me not Reid.”


“Not Reid.” She smirked.


“…not Reid?”


Nope...” She shook her head. “Hotch.”


Derek relaxed. “Oh thank Go-” The smug look on Penelope's face made him pause as she deftly pointed towards the dance floor. “…what the fuck?”




Reid had rules for himself whenever the team dragged him out to bars. The first was to only take two shots, never more than that, because he was well aware of just how badly he held his alcohol. The second was to leave as early as possible, because quite frankly he didn't enjoy the bar scene that much. So when he'd been dragged to what was possibly the loudest bar ever, and forced to sit and watch Hotch get into a drinking competition with JJ of all people, he'd followed those rules implicitly and stayed only as long as it took for Morgan to disappear into the bathroom.


Or at least that had been the plan. Garcia had been in the middle of telling Prentiss something incredibly hilarious, Morgan was in the bathroom, and Will had dragged JJ off somewhere to commiserate her loss. So he had thought it was the perfect time to slip away.


It wasn't.


He'd began making his way awkwardly through the crowd toward the door when a very familiar voice said, “Where ya gooooin'?”


Even through the slight drunken drawl, Spencer would know that smooth voice anywhere, and as arms wrapped around his waist Spencer swallowed almost painfully. “Hey Hotch, I'm just going home now.”


But it's a party, Spencer, you need to learn to relax. Why aren't you dancing?”


It appeared that as touchy as Hotch was sober he was obviously 10 times worse when drunk, considering how he'd managed to wrap himself around Spencer's frame. He could feel the other mans breath against his neck and Spencer was suddenly painfully aware of the unspoken attraction he'd been fighting since the first time he'd seen his boss. “Uhm, wait what?”


Hotch's laugh was low and made Spencer squirm. “No really Spence, you should dance.”


“Um, Hotch I don't know how to dance.” Spencer finally turned to face his obviously inebriated boss who was now frowning at him.


Everyone can dance! Everyone. Now dance.” Hotch used his best demanding tone as he stepped back, and frowned at Spencer expectantly. Spencer just blinked at him silently for a few moments, wondering just what the hell Hotch expected him to do. He finally gave a small huff of indignation, before grabbing him and pulling him closer to the dance floor and finally flush with his body. “Like this.”


Spencer felt his eyes widen as he felt Hotch's hands drop to his hips, and he gave a small inarticulate sound as Hotch’s hips gave a very practiced roll against his. “Relax Spencer. That's the point.”


Spencer gave a soft gasp. “But-but people can see us.”


Hotch laughed, and pulled Spencer even closer. “Screw them. I'm not married anymore, and God knows you aren't. So we're allowed to dance all we want.” Spencer gave a supreme effort to not give into that voice, but it really wasn't fair because Hotch slipped a thigh between Spencer's legs while whispering “Relax” and Spencer didn't have much choice.


Hotch made a pleased noise, “Yeah, like that. Just like that.”


Spencer vaguely heard himself whimper as he felt Hotch begin to roll his hips again. But then he was lost to sensation and the music, which was just as potent a sensation as any drug. He came back to himself with a jolt when he felt Hotch's hands squeeze his nonexistent butt while sighing something Spencer didn't comprehend into his ear. “Holy shit Hotch! We...what the...what are we doing?”


He briefly tried to pull away, but Hotch growled and pulled him back. “We're dancing. Now relax please.”


Spencer shook his head vigorously. “No! We shouldn't be doing this.”


Hotch pulled back, and Spencer was shocked to see the hurt look on the older man's face. “You don't want to dance with me?”


“No! I mean yes...I mean...” Spencer shook his head and grabbed Hotch's shoulders to pull him back, hesitantly laying a kiss on the drunk man's cheek. “We can dance Hotch.” His boss made a low contented sound and wrapped his arms back around Spencer's waist. He sighed and let himself go in the music again.


This couldn't end well, but even knowing that didn't prevent Spencer from allowing the older man to press kisses along his neck. He sighed softly from the pleasant feeling, and later he'd blame the few kisses he littered along the other man's face on the small amount of alcohol he'd allowed himself.


But Spencer forced himself to jerk back when the older man caught his lips, only to be faced with the wordlessly hurt look again. He sighed but managed to resist temptation and pressed an almost shy kiss against Hotch's temple instead, at which point he caught sight of a visibly shocked Morgan and a smirking Garcia.


A smirking Garcia with her camera phone trained on both of them.


While Hotch was dancing with him.


While they were dancing.


Even as most of him went almost frantic with panic, a small portion of his mind was wondering how much chocolate he'd have to bring her to save him a copy of whatever photos and/or video she'd taken.


Spencer forced himself to pull away completely and only shook his head at Hotch's vehement protests. “Come on Hotch, let's get you home.”


It seemed even an extremely drunk Hotch was stronger than an almost completely sober Spencer, which was proven when the other man pulled back against him again with no problem and cupped Spencer's now fairly obvious erection with a softly growled, “Don't tell me you don't want it because I know you do.” Which caused Spencer to nearly die right then and there.


Not that Spencer didn't want his hand there, quite the contrary- he'd had wet dreams that were frighteningly similar to his current reality. But Spencer was far too aware of the fact that they were in public with a camera trained on them and probably catching every moment of this.


So Spencer did the only thing he knew for certain would get a drunk Hotch to allow him to take him home; he let his body go lax against his boss' solid form. He noted with a detached sense of shock that he wasn't the only one interested in what was happening, but forced himself not to think about it and allowed his head to loll against Hotch's shoulder and thrust into the hand cupping him.


I do want it. But we can't do it here.”


Spencer had never seen a drunk man leave a bar so fast in his life, and was vaguely impressed with how steady Hotch was on his feet even when he was drunk.




Penelope gave a small mew of protest as she watched Hotch and Reid leave the bar, but quit recording and put her phone back in her purse. Morgan swallowed the lump in his throat before shaking his head vigorously. “Should we go after them? Hotch, um...seemed really out of it. Reid might need help...”


Penelope snorted. “Hunny-buns, I think our Spencer is going to be taking very good care of our fearless leader tonight. And it's about time.”


About time?” Morgan stared at her incredulously, as she nodded distractedly.


“Yeah, don't worry we all know you were oblivious. That's why you're not in on the pot.”


There's a pot?” Morgan felt incredibly idiotic as she sent him a soft smile and a pat on the cheek.


“Oh of course, JJ just came into a lot of money. Although I think she cheated but all's fair in love and war I suppose.”


Derek Morgan really needed another drink.



Somehow Spencer managed to get Hotch back to his apartment and onto the couch with little drama. Of course there had been a slight fuss about Hotch wanting to go to bed and do things that were definitely not sleeping. Which somehow lead to Spencer being pulled down onto the couch as well as into the older man's lap and having his shirt half ripped off.


Having Hotch's hands on his bare chest had been both a blessing and a curse, for like many things he'd dreamed about for so long it was better in reality, and it meant Spencer had been too lost in the sensation to protest much until one of the skilled hands had moved to his belt.


Which had jerked Spencer back to reality with a undignified squeak of protest. Of course that didn't deter the older man from slipping a callused hand into his pants and latching onto the side of his neck with teeth. It hadn't taken long under this treatment before Spencer was panting and gasping his release.


Hotch let go of his neck before licking what had to be a visible bite mark and wiping his hand off on the remnants of Spencer's shirt. He'd leaned back with a smug smile and Spencer felt almost too boneless to move, but eventually he looked up from where he'd burrowed his face against Hotch's neck and realized through the fog that had taken over his brain that it was only fair he do something in return for Hotch.


Which is how Spencer had ended up on his knees situated firmly between Hotch's thighs and deftly giving his boss a blow job. Something he'd never had the chance to do before, but something he'd always wondered about and something he'd definitely always wanted to do for the older man. The taste hadn't been the most pleasant thing in the world, and Hotch had a horrible habit of bucking his hips, taking Spencer off guard, and causing him to choke slightly. But the hands grasping his hair tightly and the breathless way Hotch was sighing his name over and over and over more than made up for the discomfort.


When Hotch came Spencer leaned back with a smug smile, and watched his boss slowly melt back into his couch half asleep. Then it'd hit him exactly what he'd done and he choked, before looking back up at the now snoring Hotch.


Spencer Reid had just taken advantage of his drunk boss. It went without saying that he was in deep shit, but in that moment he shook his head and forced himself to grab one of his spare blankets and a pillow for the older man. After covering him with the quilt and coaxing the pillow under his head, Spencer allowed himself to watch the other man sleep for a while, softly fingering the obvious hickey he now sported.


He dragged himself to bed not long later and forced himself to sleep, he'd face the shit when it came. For now he was content to dream.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
Hahah! Drunk!Hotch dancing is possibly the most hilarious thing in the world. As well as the hottest. Maybe.

OMG Morgan. XD This is awesome. Hotch's 'attack' on Reid is just brilliant. *flail*
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:58 pm (UTC)
Morning after sequel, please! :-D
Mar. 7th, 2010 09:38 pm (UTC)
Please, please tell me you have a follow up?...This was wicked.........
Mar. 8th, 2010 06:11 am (UTC)
Sweet and hot and a little... sad... for Spencer. I expect there would be morning-after awkwardness, but I'm just going to imagine it all working out in the end! This was great.
Mar. 9th, 2010 06:54 am (UTC)
Yeah, Spencer tends to be a sad-bunny. =3 But I'm glad you enjoyed it.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 9th, 2010 06:23 am (UTC)
I'm debating. Probably. =3

Glad you liked it!
Mar. 8th, 2010 11:27 am (UTC)
Very nice. Love that you didn't give them perfect sex.
Mar. 9th, 2010 06:23 am (UTC)
Perfect sex does not happen while one of the participants is falling over drunk. Nuff said.

Glad you liked it. =D
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 9th, 2010 05:40 am (UTC)
Hotch is always forceful. xD Just like he is always steady on his feet, and never shows emotion. J/k, but yeah I'm debating writing more. Probably. =3
Mar. 10th, 2010 05:43 am (UTC)
*psst* You forgot the pairing listing in the header, hon. Tags are really hard to see on some people's layouts (including mine).

Mar. 13th, 2010 03:38 am (UTC)
oh man you already know what I think about this but in case you forgot, i think it's awesome
Mar. 13th, 2010 09:49 pm (UTC)
there's always some kind of pot at work . good work realy funny
Mar. 14th, 2010 07:36 pm (UTC)
Drunk!Hotch was amazing. I just feel good when I see him let go and enjoy himself ;)
Sep. 10th, 2010 12:41 pm (UTC)
OMG! Drunk Hotch is a riot!
Nov. 29th, 2010 02:06 pm (UTC)
Aw, this was a delight. I can just see poor Spencer fighting with himself, and Hotch being so drunkenly focused. Yum.
Mar. 12th, 2011 05:44 pm (UTC)
"mew" was a perfect use to describe Garcia. Really adorable. And drunk!Hotch is intimidating and hot at the same time.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )