Fandom: Criminal Minds
Word Count: 1396
Summary: Aaron misunderstands, and reacts.
Authors note: So you never realize how addicted to something you are until you agree to go on a ski trip with friends and end up writing fanfiction while they ski. It was cool, I liked the lodge and the snow is so amazing. I'm still not used to it since it's my first winter in New England. I got asked for cigarettes though, it was odd since I don't smoke. Enjoy! Spencer's side should be up soonish, tomorrow? Not making promises though, since I really should work on my NCIS fic. O_o
1.failure to understand correctly; mistake as to meaning or intent.
2.a disagreement or quarrel.
Aaron Hotchner some how made it back to his office and managed to close his blinds before allowing himself to sink behind his desk, clasping his coffee close to his chest. He didn't need to look up when he heard his door open and close to know it was Rossi, the other man was probably sporting a smirk and Aaron could practically hear it in his friend's voice “So I hear Reid 'came out' just now.”
Aaron slowly looked up at his friend with narrowed eyes, “That isn't any of our business.”
Rossi was smirking, and it only really made Aaron want to throw his coffee at the other man but he hadn't actually given into those urges since he was a freshman in college so he refrained even as the other man leaned forward “You know you don't have any excuses now right?”
Aaron held in a growl, but only just. “I know Dave. But it isn't....I can't...It just isn't that simple, okay?”
His friend laughed, “It's only as simple as you make it Aaron.” Aaron made an uncertain noise and Rossi laughed again before sighing, “God man, have you always been this...indecisive?”
Aaron gave a heart felt sigh and slumped further in his chair, “Yes, I have. At least about the first move, I hate making the first move.”
There was a moment of silence, “But you joined the drama club for Haley.”
Aaron sent his friend a glare, “And she asked me out seven months later.”
Rossi barely held in the bubble of laughter that statement caused and took a moment to clear his throat before finally turning back to his scowling friend, “It's alright, honestly I doubt you have much to worry about; Reid isn't exactly known for getting hit on every week. And even Morgan will calm down about setting him up now.” Rossi felt himself frown, “Well maybe,” he glanced towards the window, “hopefully at least.”
Aaron gave a low groan, “You are not helping!”
Rossi grinned, “No really, I'm sure you'll have time the kid's been deflecting Morgan's attempts for years he'll last until you get your shit together. I still think you're over complicating things though.” With that his friend left and Aaron was alone again, still worried about what he'd come to call the “Spencer Dilemma”. But he'd said he'd wait for Spencer to talk to him about it, so all Aaron felt he could do was wait.
It was almost a week later, and Spencer was avoiding Aaron. Frankly he was beginning to feel a bit frantic about the fact that Spencer hadn't talked to him at all. Unless Aaron counted talking about various cases, which he didn't count at all.
The first day Spencer hadn't spoken to Aaron unless absolutely necessary and he'd shrugged it off as the younger man being nervous, after all it sucked being outed to your team like that. The second, third and forth day they'd been on a case, so all their focus had been on the case and Aaron had only noticed it once or twice. But since they'd closed the case it'd only gotten to be obvious that Spencer was avoiding him, though he was avoiding Rossi as well to a lesser degree.
Not that Spencer avoiding Rossi made Aaron feel any better, he was still practically frantic about the situation and as the days passed it was only getting worse, and he was sure that somehow he'd done something wrong and he hated that feeling.
That was Aaron's state of mind when he walked into the restaurant Rossi had called in their lunch order to, the teen behind the counter had waved her hand negligently at the waiting area and told him it'd be another 15 or so minutes and he'd have to wait. So he'd sat and had been more than shocked to hear Derek Morgan's voice float over the partition, “You're sure it's love man? 'cause you could just need to get laid, lust can do that you know.”
Aaron blinked, and nearly fell off the bench when he heard Spencer's voice respond crossly “I think I'd know the difference a bit better than you. I've been on the end of more than one crush based on nothing more than physical attraction.” Spencer sounded a bit on edge, and Aaron could almost see him glancing around nervously to make sure no one was paying any attention. He felt himself smile, even as his heart sank.
“Still, man. You never know. Either way you really need to make a move or move on. How long has it been you said?” Derek's voice was smooth and he obviously didn't care who heard them.
“ I didn't say.” The tone had gone up a bit, belying the anxiety that the younger man had attempted to hide with the bland response.
“Well then humor me pretty boy, I'm trying to make a point here.” Morgan's voice was hard and he obviously wanted an answer and for what felt like a long time, but was probably only a few minutes, his only answer was silence.
Finally Aaron felt himself struggling to hear the younger man say, “I don't know. I just saw him one day and realized that...that...and then I...”
There was silence again and Morgan finally said “and how long ago was that?”
“Over 3 years.”
“And in all this time, have you done anything about it at all? Or has he ever given you any indication that he feels that way about you?” Derek's voice had a slight edge to it now, and Aaron felt his heart sink further.
And before he could hear Spencer's response he noticed the girl approaching him with a bag, “Your friend paid credit over the phone so your all set, thanks and sorry for the wait.” He nodded at her slightly and tried to smile as she handed him the bag and told him to have a nice day.
He ignored Rossi's multiple inquires about his silence for the rest of the afternoon before leaving early, and again he found himself sitting on the couch cuddling Jack and attempting to not think. But it proved impossible to stay numb after he'd sent Jack to bed and sat in silence at the foot of his bed.
Spencer was already in love.
In love with a man.
And had been for over three years.
Probably even longer than Aaron's unconscious feelings.
Spencer was in love with someone who was not Aaron.
With each repetition of the theme the stabbing pain in his chest dug a bit deeper. Joining other old wounds, and Aaron briefly thought he should stop himself from sinking back into what Rossi had described as a “rut” so he sighed.
Aaron wasn't a selfish person, and he wanted Spencer to be happy. But even as he forced himself to crawl under the covers he wondered if he'd be able to force himself to actually look at Spencer the next day or if it'd still feel like someone had punched him in the gut.
As it turned out, he didn't have to look at Spencer the next day. The younger man and Derek had both called JJ to let her know they'd gotten food poisoning, blaming the food from the restaurant. Rossi had started to protest at the comment, but had subsided at the look Aaron sent him.
Aaron thought he was a bit better prepared to deal with seeing Spencer again by the day after that, and as he watched the younger man still slightly pale and a bit drawn around his mouth get settled into his desk the morning he realized that he might be prepared but it still wouldn't be pleasant. He turned back to his paperwork and wondered how long he could go without coffee, or if he could somehow con Rossi to get some for him.
Reid was in love with some, Aaron would learn to let it go.
He had to.
“Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there.”
~Otomo No Yakamochi